1. If you decide to take a photo of the Heebie Jeebies make sure you posses a good camera, otherwise permission will be denied.
2. Upon greeting the Heebie Jeebies you must say the word ‘Pork’.
3. No-one is allowed to tell the Heebie Jeebies a joke, they only laugh between themselves and have their own sense of humor, that said, they will respond if you say the word ‘Pork’.
4. Do not approach The Heebie Jeebies to talk about your own band. If this rule is broke you will be made to comb your hair with a pork chop and swiftly removed from the venue (if your already outside you must take 20 paces from the Jeebies).
5. If you think that we know someone that you know, please keep it to yourself. We say we like a lot of people that we don’t. Its part of the game. The game we speak of is called ‘Pork’.
6. Do not ask us why we don’t play a certain song anymore, the one that you love. The Heebie Jeebies are a living organism, much like a flower. Petals are dropped as and when needed, this nourishes the ground in which we feed. We are a plant called Pork.
7. Don’t ever mention the Heebie jeebies in the same breath of another band when in the company of The Heebie Jeebies. For all you know we could be really insecure (which we are not). The only band we are happy to share the same breathe with is Austrian Punk legends Pork-Smile and obscure electro solo-man Sea-Turtle.
8. The Heebie Jeebies are not a racist band by any means, BUT, if you come from Croydon or Essex save your breathe. If you approach, you will be ignored. We don’t speak your language.
9. If you want to book the Heebie Jeebies bear in mind these SOLID commitments that must be met.
-Our fee is anything from £150-£5000, this all depends on what type of performance you want from The Heebie Jeebies. i.e. for £150 you’ll get 5 songs, no singles and the drums will be played half-arsed. On the other hand, for a fee £5000 we will bring the Pork!
-Our rider must in all cases/fees include the following…
-x4 Pork lions.
-a empty telephone directory apart from one name. Sea-Turtle – 07707982181.
-a multi-packet of Monster Munch i.e. Monster MASH!
-No products from Nestle (shitheads)
-Pale Ale, Black Velvet, Disarrono Ameretto (with Cherries)
-x16 bottles of water. 5 of which must be inhabited by Goldfish.
-a hard copy of ‘The Golden Age of Cycling’ by Owen Mulholland covered in kid’s piss.
10. If you are lucky enough to meet The Heebie Jeebies on a hot day (i.e. a festival in summer) please remove your sunglasses before opening your mouth. If you do not you will be spat at repeatedly until you realize your mistake. Keep in mind The Heebie Jeebies do not have to remove their sunglasses for anyone.